A bit of a roller coaster, but I am probably better than I was. Have probably not managed to abstain for half the time. But to put it another way. It does mean I have managed to not drink for some of the time.
I crashed again yesterday, and bought alcohol. This morning it got poured down the sink...again! I am such an idiot.
If nothing else I must eventually run out of money.
Any way I was not well last night after I went to bed...a combination of drinking and not eating...and then eating too late.
I had a busy day today...had to get going. By the time I reached my first destination and did the few set-up things I felt like crap...and came home and went back to bed.
It is now 2 in the afternoon...I don't have that much to do; but I had allowed myself till 4 any way.
I feel not too bad. Just hope I sleep tonight
So ....in the two weeks.
- I still consider myself to be recovering even though I have not been abstinent, but everything seems more under control than it was.
- I need to be careful that this just doesn't become a rationalisation, I don't think it has. Every time I pour gin down the sink I am confronting something!
- I know that when I don't drink, I actually feel physically well...or at least better than normal
- And when I do drink...my head aches, my gut aches and my bones ache.
- If I am going to live...then I have to stick with this
- My sex drive seems to have become maniacal...now what's that all about?
Where is God in all this? I cry out, and God seems quiet. But in the last 6 weeks one of my desperate prayers was "God you must do something about this"
As I attest I am some what better certainly not perfect...then that prayer has begun to be answered.
One thing has been clear...God has been saying to me that he will heal me, but he will not overwhelm me. And if I want to be well, then I've got to do it too. This is a new level of spiritual awareness for me.