Sunday, 11 March 2012

I am not doing well

It is day 7/8 and as I write this I am blotto. Smashed out of my mind on gin, I am watching porn....a guy sucking a cock...which I wish I was sucking too!!!
This may surprise you
There is no doubt in my mind that what has fucked with my mind all these years is that I am a faggot!!!! And proud of it!
Many years ago I went to confession and the priest asked me "Do you want to stop being homosexual?"
For once in my life I was clear.   "No!" was my answer
But the cost of my being gay is that I also have to be a drunk. I feel sufficiently guilty that I have to be drunk in order to fuck another guy.
I want it to be different I want to have sex with one of my own.....a gay guy...and not feel like a fucking freak.
I am now quite old, in my 50s....and I want to fuck and not be drunk
And I ask myself  (and you God)  why can't I just have someone to love?

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