Monday, 14 May 2012

Oh dear!

Was going quite well. Went out to dinner on Saturday and had three tiny drinks. Probably less than a standard drink.
Then yesterday, I got stuck at home . On Saturday knocking the edge off had already made me obsess about the Gin I few away . But I didn't retrieve it. Then on Sunday did ! What an idiot.
I got stranded at home without a car, and discovered a new chat site. It was a bit hair raising.
Anonymous, but constantly reflecting that I am really old!!!
So the two are intertwined again. Alcohol being used to knock the edge off promiscuity. And desperate feelings of loneliness. It is not good to be alone
So my heads thmping and i am using panadol...not really bad but bad enough to slow me down and make it feel like migraine.
I hate that I have got trapped back into sex without intimacy. And that I don't seem to be able be stimulated without porn. And that Interwoven in all this is booze, which constantly diminishes my crItical factors
I seem so fucking patHetic, and my quality of life seems crappier than shit.....and no prospects of improving
The alcohol both 'improves' and diminishes this. By and large it is a cause and not a solution
Ad it is this intImacy stuff that is much more important
It is not good to be alone.....and I am so alone

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