Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Minor victory-saving what I can

It is at least now August 14 and I have not drunk since August 11
The impetus has been the disasters of the last few days...so at least something is salvaged.
I have panicked. I have felt like crap. But I also feel physically better....and I can lecture my daughter about how she must do the same....it doesn't seem like she has heard, and I understand that. All I can do is try and stand by her
In the midst of the sadness (which could have been far worse...but that is little consolation) there is one good thing that has come out of it. I have been able to speak with a touch of honesty and openness about my love and Concern for her. I know this may be thin, and pray that it may be stronger.
I feel pretty done over by it all, and doubt my capacity to deal with it. Amidst all this last week on retreat I was being told that Christ already is within me...and that I have to live out of that
After sixty years you would think I should understand what that might mean. But I doubt my capacity to do it . Let alone understand wha it means in reality. I want it to be true. But am all too aware of my lack of faith.

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