Saturday, 7 April 2012

Almost made it

I thought that I had almost made a week...but I defeated myself. Knowingly and willingly, and dare I say sinfully ....though I a trying to keep that sort of loaded language out of this. What happened? I started to get Pangs when I was cooking a meal for my sister. In fact as I was on my down there I was feeling a bit resentful that I was having to go at all when I could have been home getting smashed. Any way we had a couple of glasses of was revolting stuff ...tasted like vinegar. I couldn't wait to get home so I could have a proper drink. Now let me say this again! I am not a person who can drink. I have no sense of proportion. I can't stop. And Fuck! I lay in bed this morning thinking .....What did I write in that letter to my boss while I was pissed out of my brain? Thank goodness when I checked it was all fairly innocuous . Today I have a busy day! And though I feel a bit fuzzy thank God I am not really hung over And so, I beGin again. God give me strength.


  1. Oh honey! I came across your blog today...On the 1st post you weren't sure if you are a real alcoholic, let me then reassure you of what you already really know to be true...this whole dance w/ alcohol; the cravings, buying then pouring down the sink, guilty "morning afters"...all signs of the real DISEASE of alcoholism, non-addicts don't do these things!! I think in your heart you already know that & thats why your set out to recover (& to that; congratulations!). But as I read your posts, I am worried by how alone you sound. Would you not consider some AA or some other type of support?! Someone to call & talk to at 6pm or 3am to hold you accountable, someone to vent your feelings & fears? If you can beat this, you may be starting the most wonderful new part of your life, but it'll be hard to do this by yourself, please consider finding help to get through it! My prayers are with you. Hugs

    1. Thanks for your comments. You're right about am ny things